At some point in my mid-late teens I stopped making resolutions for the new year and started listing things I was thankful for or that I’d learned in the year just gone. I think I’ll try to keep up that tradition, even if in private rather than all over the blog, because I’ve had a whole lot to be thankful for in spite of (because of?).. well.. 2020.
Slowly (painfully) opening up to and becoming more willing to rely on other people in moments of vulnerability was a major milestone I’d definitely list though.
Those who know me will be well acquainted with how bullheaded I am about my ‘independence’ (according to my parents, one of my favourite phrases when I was a toddler was ‘I can do it myself’, second only to ‘What’s that?’) so you can see why it’s been hard fought. This year has generally called for a lot of stepping outside ourselves, outside our comfort zones, and into our surrounding communities as an urgent matter of self/societal preservation, all at a time when even the tiniest of those steps have felt impossibly colossal. This year has certainly called out for us, but I’ll be the first to admit that it’s been a pretty terrifying call to answer.I remember at the start of the pandemic feeling like I had to rely on social media and it’s somewhat arbitrary dictates as a sort of crutch. It was the only way I felt I could even begin to take my first step into a more outward, community-facing existence that I had for the longest time both desperately wanted but had been too afraid to reach out for. And, in all honesty, it did truly help me take those tiny colossal steps, if only for a little while. But I and many others I know got so caught up in the social media fever pitch where we were all oversharing the ‘best’ or at least ‘wholesome’ parts of our otherwise chaotic or, in some cases, stagnant lives, while (hopefully) relying on a handful of close ones behind closed doors when things got too much to bear. All that time we (I speak for those who feel they can relate) thought that this would be enough to help us get through it, keep positive, stay afloat if only for a little while. And a little while longer. And so on until it was all over and we could wake up from the nightmare into our old, normal lives.
Easy as it is to blame the infinite pressure that’s built up within the echo chamber we call ~soshul meeja~ – or, equally, The Masses that keep the algorithms churning and ever churning in such a way that one feels obliged to share everything and yet really nothing at all – I think that would be unproductive and incredibly boring. Social media is not evil. The Masses are not necessarily slaves to consumer culture. Individuals are not always able to effect the positive change they wish to see.
I’d love more than anything to write tomes about my subjective theories on building community and using Instagram in less harmful ways, but that too would fast become incredibly boring. I will, however, leave you with the closest thing I’ve come to a resolution in years, in case it is helpful to someone amidst the chaos: to keep praying for the courage to continue (or start) taking those tiny colossal steps outside of yourself. Before you know it you’ll find yourself running full pelt into the love and community and service that you thought only existed in an Ideal World that orbits so very far from our own.
That’s what I’m hoping for at least.
God bless you on your endeavours this new year, my friends.
