"I really don't like you and your hypocritical and condescending opinions. You really need to sort out your life and think about what you want to say and whom it may offend before doing so. Goodness, you're so annoying. Please, do me a huge favour and grow up already."
"Well there goes my confidence, knocked out of the window of a 5,000 storey skyscraper. Thank you, "friend", for that. But it's not your fault, it's my paranoia and I know you're happy but I'm not and I don't really care if you don't care but none of that stops me from being unhappy and feeling like a complete and total let-down."
I really think that's it - I feel like the biggest let-down in the history of humankind. People see my life through the pretty internet filters I've put up and (possibly) think I'm a decent person when in reality I'm not even close to being that. You don't seem to understand that there is a whole other undiscovered Universe of Meaning and Purpose to my words other than to provide your unsatisfied brains with entertainment before the next distraction scrolls down your screens. I write to satisfy my own needs, to sort out this stunningly overpowering mass of panic-inducing thoughts within my stupid, claustrophobic head.
I feel like, when you come face to face with me, each time you expect something more and yet you find, after all that, I'm just me! I just stand there looking like a fool not knowing what to do with myself and you think "Oh, is that all she is?" Like I'm supposed to be something more than I am? I feel like I should apologise a million times over for coming across as drab and boring, or a bitch, or a snob, or a rude, conceited smart-ass... but why? Why do you expect me to be something better than my stroppy, immature self? You're just as bad as me but because you see me as different to yourself, you fail to recognise that truth. I choose to show my flaws to everyone who is willing enough to withstand the gore without completely puking, but it doesn't mean anything at all! I am indeed drab and boring, a bitch, a snob, a rude and conceited smart-ass and that's because, to put it simply, I was moulded by my past and by my choices to be this way.
You really don't get that I'm not something to be placed on a higher ledge than anyone, and neither are you. No-one is. To quote a not-so-well-known song, "See, this pedestal is high and I'm afraid of heights." Seriously, I think I sort of understand Charlie's issues with some of his fans - (not that I am likening my position to his - I'm not that arrogant yet. And besides, I don't depend on readers of my blog as heavily as he depends on his viewers. If you were to stop reading what I wrote I'd probably be indifferent about it for the most part and continue to write nonetheless. Sorry to be so blunt about it, but it's true) - they all make out as if he's some sort of celebrity angel with no human flaws whatsoever but he's just a bloody 20-something year old boy who makes videos on the internet!! Just like I'm only a little girl who knows virtually nothing about the big bad world and makes countless mistakes that hurt everyone as I try to figure out how to protect myself! I am indeed a selfish person because sometimes I need to be.
So don't think I'm a nice person when I'm clearly not, at least not all the time. Don't expect so much of me, only to see that expectations are inferior to whatever notions and fantasies sprung up in your head and don't judge what I choose to show you by your own sky-high standards. Above all else, get to know and understand me properly if you're really up for that traumatising roller-coaster ride. Maybe, once you've gotten off it (and puked and cried a few times), this post might not seem as offensive and insulting under that new light... Maybe.
Thanks and g'night.
NOTE: You should really read the book 'Paper Towns' by John Green - writing this post has finally helped me to understand why it's still my favourite book to this day.