No matter how much anyone might think they know, they never know. You can scream it through your tears a thousand times but they'll never know because they're not you. Don't expect them to know, and forgive them when they don't forgive you, even when you don't want to.
... ... ...
You could've been my greatest poem
But I'm glad you’re not.
I'm glad you’re just you
And I'm glad I no longer care so deeply.
You really do remind me of cigarettes, but every day I remember you a little differently to how Noah Gundersen sang it. And now I'm remembering more but remembering less at the same time. Of course I'll be fine when I'm distracted. Soon enough my mind won't drift so much in your currents and soon I'll be swept into the middle of the North sea again - back before I knew you - or I'll be caught drowning at the bottom of the Dead Sea.
I wanted to be someone's Dead Sea. I wanted to settle for anything at one point, just so I could know that there was not a worthless ocean of nothing in me - that there was something worth taking the time to discover. (I guess I'm not that person. I've even fallen so short of mediocrity that I can't find my self-worth without looking from another's eyes.) Sometimes I convince myself that I want someone to be mine and to depend on me.. to trust me. (I realise that no-one can be mine, in the same way I cannot belong to anyone but myself. "I'm yours and I'm not yours".) But I also don't want to share the burdens of another because I'm scared that nothing will ever work out and nothing will last and I'll do something to destroy everything or I'll get bored and tired... or, worst of all, he'll just stop loving me. Love is so fucking scary, I'm not sure I want to be a part of it with anyone but myself. I guess I'm really not ready yet and that's okay but it's kinda not. As if I'll ever have a choice.
can't you just try harder not to despise me? i don't care if that's a selfish request and i do not deserve anything but your hate. But I never hate a lot or for long so why not let it all go? let me go. let me go and i'll only come back so silently, you'll never know.
just seven months just seven months just seven months and you won't ever have to put up with me again, it'll be okay my dear, I'll still be there if you want me to be because when I say I love you, I really do.
I love you so much that I will tell you what you need to hear, not just what you want to hear, even when you don’t ask me to.
I'm trying.
I really am, dear.
